Mirror, Mirror

I’ve spent a lot of time looking at mirrors. Not into them, but at them. Mirrors — most commonly sheets of glass backed by unbelievably thin, highly polished sheets of aluminum or silver– are everywhere. There are more than nine just in my apartment, and many more than that in the building in which I work.

Why are there so many mirrors everywhere? Why is the specular reflection of visible light so appealing to everyone? Is it possible that we as humans are so completely mesmerized by ourselves (and yet so frighteningly shaky in our belief in our own actuality) that we need constant reminders of our appearance? And does that lead to a validation of our external existence, the part that is visible to all others? Maybe it’s true that mirrors really do reflect a part of one’s soul, and that deep down we all recognize this primordial relation we have with reflections.

Or is our society so appearance-oriented that we need constant self-surveillance in order to check for imperfections and keep up our vigilant guard against the realities that constitute our ‘natural’ visages? Superstition used to say that mirrors deflect evil and attract good. Hung in the right place, they can even bring the owner wealth and food. Maybe we kept those beliefs around, hidden deep within our collective subconscious, and our outward obsession with appearance is really a reflection of our inner apprehension with the idea of being broke and hungry. Society after all does demand a good, if not flawless, countenance and carriage in order to succeed…

We use mirrors to trick the eye into thinking a room is larger than it really is, and to reflect light back and forth to make a space seem brighter. In essence, mirrors are beguilers that ultimately have the ability to show us how things really are. A quality ‘looking glass’ can paint a perfect representation of reality on its surface, one that no photographer or painter could ever hope to equal because that reality is fluid, ever-changing. Placed in the right spot, a mirror can show one a surprising new perspective on the world around them. It’s as if the mirror really is a portal, not for souls, but simply into another dimension of sorts, a world opposite and yet someone the same or better than our own.

I often find myself wondering what that other world would be like. Is the me I see inside that world exactly like the me that I perceive myself to be here, or is he somehow better or worse? Is my reflection in the mirror me in that world, the physical embodiment of my soul or my character, or am I incarnated in a totally different fleshly expression there? Does that me in the mirror have higher self-esteem or more/better abilities than I do, or does he feel as lost as I do sometimes? Is he more driven and confident, or is he perhaps a weaker form of me, one dependent on others’ approval and observance. Most importantly, if this other me actually did exist, would he be as cognizant of my existence as I am of his?

This is what I meditate on the most, the idea of another cognizant me that may or may not be better than the me that I perceive in myself. The idea that another me is sitting there guessing about my existence is honestly a little weird or creepy to me. I guess the real question is why? Why do I occupy my time wondering if another me in my head is better than me somehow? The confusion I feel in my life right now, the uncertainty of my future place in the world (metaphorically and literally), all lead me to wonder if the me inside the mirror has a better life.

In the end though, I don’t think he does. I’d like to think that the me inside this alternate reality is completely dependent on me, as he only seems to exist in direct relation to a mirror and my presence near one. But who knows? Maybe he exists even when I don’t see him, and I’m the one that’s a reflection of him. I guess I’ll never know…

On a side note, this idea of him being a reflection of me or vise versa leads me to a consideration of God as a reflection of man. In everyday religion, the existence of God seems to be dependent on his reflection in man, that is, his presence is only marked and noted when man decides he’s there. For example, something good happens, like a woman being cured of an illness, and the church says God is to thank. But something bad happens, like a car bombing or something, and the church condemns the ‘evil’ people who did it or blames the devil. Where was God then? And if he is so powerful, wouldn’t he help stop some of the atrocities going on, some divine spiritual intervention of sorts? I understand that we need hardship and difficulties in order to appreciate the good things in life, but why pick and choose when God is there or not? For that matter, if God understands that adversity makes up appreciate the good times, isn’t it possible that he — if he does in fact exist and take part in our everyday lives — causes these bad things to happen on purpose, thus negating the need for a devil in the first place? Old religions saw good and evil as one in everything, including their gods. Couldn’t God be the same way?

If mirrors reflect our souls, or at the very least offer us a truthful imitation of our reality, then God is like a giant mirror for humanity. His greatness seems to be an echo of the human race’s belief in its own superiority. And his apparent lack of compassion (his ‘wrath’ some would say) also mimics our own sometimes brutish nature.

-Liridon

A Howl in a Technological Abyss

Just yesterday I heard a recording of Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern bashing gay people and saying that their “agenda” was hurting the nation, and that the gay community is more of a threat to this country than terrorism or Islamic fundamentalists. She compares the gay community to cancer of the toe, i.e., a disease that will spread to the rest of the body if something isn’t done about it. (For a transcript of her poisonous, hateful rant, go to http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2008/03/08/1600.)

Excuse me for being so blunt, but where does this self-righteous whore of a vengeful god get off with saying this and then hiding behind freedom of speech? Don’t get me wrong, I fully acknowledge her right to say as she pleases in the public discourse, to express her views and opinions in any manner she deems fit, but she cannot turn around and get defensive because, big surprise, some people are pissed off. What really puts the icing on the cake is that, in interviews after the tape was leaked online, she rants that the American public shouldn’t have the gay agenda “shoved down their throats” in our public schools and media. Well you know what, I don’t want your agenda shoved down mine either. You are the reason the rest of the country laughs at Oklahoma, you are the reason the rest of the world laughs and America, and you are the reason so many people are fleeing Christianity and the crazy people involved in it.

I know name calling isn’t exactly the best way to progress an intellectual discussion, but this swollen hemorrhoid of a legislator is a perfect example of what is wrong with this country. She is a disgrace to our nation, and she and her cohorts are the ones directly responsible for setting this country back decades in the areas of social, political, and scientific advancement.

*whew* There. I kept the rant short. But seriously people, this news really hit me on an obviously personal level. As a gay Oklahoman, I’m appalled that such people claim to represent me and other gay people here, and I’m even more appalled when thinking that, in the actual truth of the matter, it is most likely that more people in this state agree with her than not. For the first time I can remember I got so angry and upset that I wanted to cry, scream, punch something, and run away all the same time. The word and poem “Howl” came to mind as it dawned on my just how much fighting there is left to do in order for me and those like me to be considered nothing more than a slight variation on the norm.

Stemming from a comment posted by “god” on my previous post, it really got me thinking about moving away from this state that progression forgot. My older brother lives in Connecticut, and I’ve heard that New Haven is a fairly liberal city, so maybe I could move up there. I think after all this I really need a change of scenery. It would be nice to go somewhere I don’t secretly fear being tied to a fence post and beaten to death simply because my hips sway a little more than most guys’, or because I happen to love musical theatre.

In my previous post, “god” suggested I get the hell out of middle America and move to one of the coasts. While I don’t think I’m too big of a fan of the west one, I do like the east, and the fact that my bro could be nearby makes it a more plausible idea for me. See, I have a desire to start my life anew and become more independent, but at the same time I fear that if there’s not something I know nearby I’ll go crazy and end up getting a bit too freaked by all the changes. You know, maybe I need to take baby steps. But whatever the case, the lease I have for my current apartment isn’t up until August, so I have some time to stew over the possibilities.

As for now, I will make this a short post and leave you with a bit of Allen Ginsberg’s “Footnote to Howl”. Think about it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy!

    The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand and asshole holy!

Everything is holy! Everybody’s holy! Everywhere is holy!

    Everyday is in eternity! Every man’s an angel!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-Liridon

“god” and the Concept of Free Will

As you few readers (if there are any out there) can see below, my first ever real post was commented not once but three times by a blogger who goes by the name of “god”. While I won’t go in to questioning his choice of name given that he is a professed atheist (does he admit that he himself does not exist? lol), he raised some very interesting questions. I can see from his few comments (and from a visit to his blog, which is very interesting if the topics happen to strike your fancy) that his is an opinion and a viewpoint that I admire and respect, and will most likely continue to do so if he should choose to comment again. “God”, if you are reading this, thank you so much for your comments and your intriguing thoughts and questions.

The comments to my first post have continued to fuel my desire finally to begin my personal quest for true understanding. I don’t know if I well ever be an atheist, but ideas presented by “god” and by his friends on his blog have given me a better idea of the path I want to take with my initial research.

Being a deeply personal and experiential phenomenon, as “god” so eloquently put it, religion or spirituality is not necessarily a thing that can be defined, nor will I attempt to do so in this post. All my life I was taught that there is a God and that he is a loving entity who happens to have the power to destroy utterly those who defy him. As a young child I didn’t object to this, and though neither my family nor I were particularly devout, we did go to church on a more or less regular basis, and I had many Christian friends. Only recently have I come to discover that that is not religion or spirituality in essence, but simply a physical ramification of society’s perspective of those things. The doctrine and dogma of the Christian church is not my idea of the true belief and worship of God, or as I am coming to think of it as, the belief in a Cosmic Force that is outside of complete comprehension. “God” brought up the point that it is often the dogma of faith that turns atheists away, such as the rigid belief in a creation myth despite obvious scientific proof otherwise, that homosexuality is wrong, that animal sacrifices are necessary to ‘appease’ a deity, or that male dominance is the way the world was designed. I believe the Bible and other such books were written by men (and women of course), not by God himself, and that they are discussions of religion and belief much like books written today on the subject, or even like blogs such as the one “god” runs. If you look at the history of the Bible, for example, you can find copious examples for the reasoning behind many of the laws of Leviticus and why there is a mundane, worldly background to a supposedly supernatural law. On the flip side, I am beginning to believe that religious texts can give insight into the nature of this Cosmic Force that I am just beginning to theorize. As such, I am currently researching books that discuss the similarities between religions, and the ideas they profess. While I have seen many atheists site this as conclusive reason for the invalidity of a particular religion and fundamentally the invalidity of all religions, I see it as evidence for possible basic truths about both the nature of the cosmos and of the Cosmic Force that is its core.

On a different strand, “god” in his second comment brought up the idea of probability. He is right in saying that the God explanation merely shifts the explanation for the complexity of the universe while doing nothing to explain it in real terms. But he goes on to ask the question, “Who made God?” That intrigues me, and I confess I do not have the answer to that question. Maybe God is a human creation brought about by a base yearning for there to be something else out there other than the mundane lives we know on earth. Maybe he is a delusion we have outgrown, as so many like to say. Or maybe our perception of God isn’t necessarily wrong, only misinterpreted and carelessly personified into human terms. We refer to God as “he”, “she”, or “it” sometimes, and speak of him/her experiencing love and rage, in some cases desire and happiness. But these are tools to try to help humans grasp an inkling of what an omniscient or cosmic being may be like. I do not hope to completely understand the Cosmic Force that may be out there, but I do hope to develop an idea of its complexity.

This brings me to the final point that “god” raised, and one that have been thinking about since I last posted. He wrote that is God made all, then it follows that he must be both omniscient and omnipotent. However, according to him, these two qualities are mutually exclusive, as God is powerless to change his knowledge (meaning he can’t unknow what he knows). This is a gray area that I don’t think I have the ability to delve into just yet. But I’m alright with that. As a psychology student you learn to accept gray areas, so I can live with this one for a while.

Finally, I reach the concept of Free Will that is mentioned in the title of this post. As I have been writing for a while, I will keep this part short. On “god’s” suggestion, I visited his blog and discovered a discussion about sexual selection and natural selection and how it can related to Free Will. I strongly urge the readers out there to visit this blog and begin to expand your perceptions of the universe. While I have read all the comments, nor do I remember everything about this post, what sticks with me now is someone’s comment about Free Will and its near impossibility. The poster (who goes by the name of Mangawitch if I remember correctly–you should look her up), claims that what we consider free will is actually environmental programming done by society (our parents included) since birth. Since it’s short, here’s most of what she said:

“Where we live, how we live and who we live with influences us to a massive degree before we even learn to talk. Why do I like the music I do? Cos it was always playing when I was young – I associate it with good times – therefore it is good.

My parents taught me to be open-minded and to explore everything. To question everything and not to be afraid of being different. I could choose what to wear, where to go, what to believe.

But that wasn’t my free will – I was just doing what my parents had programmed me to do. You see, we think we’ve made the decisions using our own free will – but we haven’t. We’ve made them based on the influences around us.

Even our dreams are created by what happens around us during the day.”

She raises interesting ideas, but I tend to disagree with her on a fundamental level. Being a psych student who does not gravitate toward cognitive behavioralism, I tend to believe that people are not simply organic robots. Free will by definition is the ability to choose among many different ideas, paths, and decisions. Free will can explain why children grow up to be completely different from their children despite the possible association of good emotions with certain types of music or other such things. I was raised hearing classic rock most of the time, but I don’t consider myself a fan of it at all. In fact, I don’t have any of that genre on my mp3 player or computer. Is this evidence that I have chosen the type of music I like on my own, without the influence of my programming? Maybe, maybe not. But I refuse to believe that we don’t have the power to make our own choices in life. We can be influenced by others, or even by some sort of programming, but the final decision is ultimately left up to the individual. Maybe that is the answer to it all. Maybe this Mangawitch person and I are both right and both wrong. Maybe it is a combination of free will being influenced by early childhood “programming”. Psychology has shown us that the way a child is raised and their level of attachment to their caregiver affects how that child eventually forms relationships and makes decisions. But they’ve also seen people overcome initial childhood setbacks and make their own decisions regardless of the attachment style of the primary caregiver. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking, maybe the example of attachment style of the parent affecting the choices and relationships of the adult is a good example of environmental programming and therefore evidence for a lack of any real free will. But who knows. I think I need to do some more research on this, and comment on it later. As you can see by now, I like doing research. ^_^ Oh, on the subject of dreams being influenced by what happens around us during the day, I have one simple thing to say: While this may be true, what we do with our thoughts and our dreams is up to us alone. That is our Free Will.

And now, to conclude, goodbye to any readers out there. Have a wonderful evening, and I hope to see you back around here soon!

-Liridon

Religion vs. Atheism, or The Earth’s Orbit and the Existence of God

Recently, I was watching a show on the History Channel about global warming called “A Global Warning?” (great title, huh? lol). I didn’t think much of it at first, as most if it made sense: the earth goes through cycles in weather, but humans are messing with that and really effin’ up the place with a total disregard for the future. It really made me think about my impact on the planet, and it made me want to try to make an effort to recycle and by natural products. Unfortunately, being a recent graduate with lots of loan debts and very little time, buying the more expensive organic products, or finding the energy and time to recycle is near impossible. Not the mention the fact that I have three roommates right now, and no car with which to go and buy necessities like recycling bins, or with which to take said recyclables to a center.

But that is not the real topic of the post. What really got me thinking was a part of the show where it talked about earth’s orbit around the sun and how it effects the climate of the planet. Apparently it changes every 100,000 years or so from a somewhat circular path to a more pronounced elliptical path. When it’s circular, the temperatures are fairly moderate throughout the planet and pleasant for sustaining life. When it’s elliptical, earth is pretty much a giant ice ball with very few living things on it. This is part of the explanation for our ice ages and how such different creatures as dinosaurs and humans can come about on this planet. So our climate changes dramatically pretty much like clockwork every 100,000 years. While I don’t quite understand how evolution could take place over millions of years and survive the climate changes, that also is not the point of this post. What struck me was the total and utter impersonal and dispassionate way this occurs. I know it sounds obvious that the earth’s rotation is impersonal because it is a naturally occurring phenomenon, but it really struck me that it was so regular and unforgiving. It honestly made me question the existence of a life-creating and life-sustaining God that cares about His creations, especially his supposed chosen ones, the humans of the world.

Why would a god make sentient creatures, beings with the ability to rationalize and think about the future, including our own mortality and the possibility of an afterlife, and put us on a planet (ostensibly also created by the deity) where the climate changes so dramatically that the creatures He made with love and affection would never survive it? Is it possible that this Creator only means his chosen creations to live in this limited timespan in order to therefore limit our production and possible destruction of His planet? Or is it equally possible that this ‘omnipotent’ being has no control over the orbit of the planet, in which case He is not the all-knowing, all-thinking, all-powerful deity that most have come to think of when they contemplate deifications?

I will admit that I do not much about other religions (though I’m open to the thoughts of those with other backgrounds of course), but the Christian viewpoint holds that God is the creator of everything and therefore controls everything in the universe except the free will of his creations. That He gave to us so that we may choose to follow Him in love, devotion, and gratitude. Okay, take that and put in the facts about the earth’s rotations. Either God created us to live only in this time section for some unknown cosmic reason (and it’s in His plans to do this since He knows all about the climate change), he created us as his ultimate beings but has no control over the planet’s orbit (in which case our perceptions of Him are completely wrong and meriting a serious reconsideration), or there is no rhyme or reason to it, no God, and we’re just here because of a few flukes in the DNA down the line.

It was this knowledge that made me seriously doubt the existence of God for the very first time. People cite the violence of man or terrible weather problems like tsunamis and hurricanes as proof that a loving god doesn’t exist. I say it is the will of individual people that causes these atrocious crimes, not the will of God, and that nature has terrible things like tornadoes and earthquakes because it is possible that God created the science of nature to work such that there is the natural ebb and flow of the “good” and the “bad”. Nature balances itself out quite nicely, and if a sentient Creator Being came up with it, I say good job. Atheists say people only want to believe in an afterlife to justify the horrible conditions that we live in on earth, and to give an excuse not to live the hedonistic life of the damned. I see them sneer at those with religion for holding on to their pathetic ideas of an afterlife, while deriding them for the tenacious clinging to this horrible life beyond which they supposedly want to move. If the afterlife is so great, why not kill yourself and get to it faster? Of course, many religions have an answer to this, but that is usually fodder for those atheists who like nothing more than to make fun of those with religious ideals. (Note: I’m not saying all atheists are antagonistic to those with religious beliefs. I’m merely stating that there are those like that out there, and I have met way too many of them. Why is it so hard to understand the concept of an intelligent person with religious beliefs? Science and faith are two completely different things if you ask me.)

But back to the original thought. If earth’s orbit is regular, and the climate is supposed to change dramatically and get much much colder in a few thousand years (barring the complete destruction of the earth from man’s folly beforehand), how does God figure in, or is He a figment of the collective unconscious? The facts in the film were presented in such as way that it seemed logical that God wasn’t in the picture, that humans are simply descendants of apes and just along for the ride while they still have some breathing room. It’s hard for me to think in those terms, because I’ve always believed that there was something bigger than us out there, something that had some answers. Whether our conceptions of God, Allah, Brahma, or whatever are correct or not, something is out there that maybe had a plan for all of this.

So I tried looking in to the idea of atheism in general. I got on the web, looked at some sites, piddled around, and just came out feeling upset. It wasn’t because the ideas they had were necessarily upsetting. It was that so many were content with mocking those of faith and belittling both it and their intelligence. It hurt me deep inside to think that I could be like that, that I could snub someone simply because they essentially had something I did not. I don’t want to be like that. Why is it that, in the atheist world it seems, to have religion, or even some notion of “otherness” out there, is equivalent to being stupid and naive? Why is the idea of an intelligent system of faith so foreign to these people? For that matter, why do they demand that every aspect of a person’s faith be probed and scrutinized methodically, and if you don’t probe as they wish you are afraid that you’ll find your beliefs are unmerited? Do they think that no one’s beliefs will stand up to the all mighty god of Science? While science has a lot of answers, and I rely on the knowledge that it brings the world, I still can’t shake the belief that Logic and Faith are two completely different, yet not necessary antithetical, modes of thinking. Logic is in the brain, while Faith is somewhere locked in the soul, the heart, or the mind. I refuse to believe right now that atheism the is the logical path of the intellectual.

For now, I will continue to research not only atheism, but other religions as well to see what the world has to offer. There are so many things that science has yet been unable to answer. Maybe religion has some clues.

-Liridon