Finally Beginning?

Recently I’ve been looking for a new apartment around town, someplace that I can call my own. So far, I’ve only lived with my parents, or with roommates. But now, I think I’m finally ready to find a place and live on my own, with my own furniture, my own car, my own rules. The problem is, I own virtually no furniture, have no car to speak of, and am currently in the process of saving up the money with which to realize my dream of solitary living.

I won’t go into specifics about my income, but if my income were to stay relatively the same, I can see myself having to spend about half of it on rent and bills alone, not including car insurance/payments, food, and other miscellaneous expenditures. Since I’ve recently gotten my bachelor’s, I’m looking for a new job, one that hopefully involves a steady work week (with evenings and weekends free, ideally), and a pay raise. I’m tired of working fast food, and though the money is actually pretty good, I need a change. Though I know that I will get lonely sometimes in my new place, and I’ll regret my decisions sometimes, I know this will be good for me in building my independence and forcing me to handle the world on my own. While I wish my parents could help out more, it’s kind of nice knowing that whatever I get, I get it on my own, with my own efforts and ingenuity. I feel as if I can finally begin my life.

I imagine my new job being challenging but not completely overbearing, involving meeting new people and opportunities for advancement in the future. I picture having friends over for dinner, or a movie night, or drinks. Whatever, so long as I can get out there and meet people. I know I picture this future for one reason only: I’m afraid I’ll become somewhat of a hermit if I live on my own. I can be on the shy side, and can come off as needy or awkward if I’m nervous, or if I really like someone. People often don’t understand my humor, and I find it hard to be open and honest with new people. But I want to force myself to make friends, and hopefully even find a steady boyfriend out there…

Which brings me to my other vision: finally having a place where, if I actually had one, I could bring my boyfriend to spend the night (or whatever else we might want to do) without fear of roommates barging in or (let’s face it) judging me. All in all I just want a place to bring someone home to, to show them without words who I am and what I like. Maybe I’m reading too far into the whole going-out-on-your-own scenario, but this is how I want it to be.

Speaking of how I’d like things to be, one of the biggest draws for me to have my own place is the most frivolous. I want to be able to design/decorate it almost however I want (barring leasing restrictions and the like). The apartment before the one I’m currently in was unfurnished, and as the result of a splitting of roommates midway through our lease, I had to get some furniture of my own, and ended getting what I consider a most unique sofa, in that it is probably from about 1974, is burnt orange velvet-like material, and has one of those beds built into it. I know, I know, an orange couch? But my dear readers you have to believe me when I say that it was a purchase that spoke of my inner funkadelic nature (I suppose), and hearkened to my love of color and unusual design. Plus it was supremely comfortable.

But anyway, back to the point. As I didn’t want to have to buy another sofa, I thought, why not work around the orange couch and do some sort of swanky/funky 60’s thing with bring colors and a really fun atmosphere. I though I would use a lot of different shades of blues and greens (to counterbalance the orange, or course), but still bring in splashes of other colors like yellow and red. I really want my place to be inviting to others, and really show off that, even though I can be a bit standoffish sometimes, I’m really actually a warm and loving person… who likes a lot of color in their life. The design isn’t set in stone yet, and knowing me it will change over the months to suit whatever resources I have, but at least I’m brainstorming.

The only other design area I’ve considered is my bedroom, which I still want to be swanky (if anyone out there can help me solidify that word into a design schema, please help), but also a lot sexier, with darker, richer colors, fabrics with a bit of a sheen or luster to it, and thought-provoking, profound artwork. This is where I’d show my sexier side. The big problem I face here (aside from color choices and how to make it blend somewhat with the rest of the place) is how make a room feel a lot sexier, a little darker, a very dramatic, when I want to avoid painting the walls if at all possible. I like the idea of an accent wall, but how do I downplay stark white walls in my sexy swanky bedroom?

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I just had a pause and realized how different this post is from my previous ones. But this is me, dear readers. One day I think about the existence of god or the nature of the universe, the next I’m worry about furniture choices and getting the right lighting. I guess this all ties into my struggles with formulating a new life and a new me. I want to be more independent, more outgoing, and more successful in the relationship department. I also want to delve into my belief systems, research more about my various passions, and in short figure out more about myself. I think that living on my own is a good way to start this. Without roommates, I won’t have anyone too close at hand to lean on, so I’ll have to find my own ways to socialize and entertain myself. I sincerely fear that I could become hermit, but I’ll try not to let myself do that. The big if part to my future life and lifestyle is the job I’ll have. I have no idea where I’ll be working, what I’ll be doing, who I’ll be working with, or (very nearly most importantly), how much I’ll be making so I can figure out a budget, and a plan of attack for the dating front.

So here goes, world. I’m going to start out now on my own for once. The job hunt begins now (as I’d like to have a new, better, job before May), and I will continue the apartment research. If any of you out there no some good resources for jobs, gay social life, decorating on a budget, or any other things that might help me in my quest, please message me (i.e., leave a comment) so that I may benefit from your knowledge.

Thank to the world out there that may or may not have been reading this, and until next time, adieu.

-Liridon

Update: I just had a talk with one of my roommates, and while previously she was moving out of town for school, she’s now considering staying.  Should I stick to my ultimate desires and live on my own for all the reasons listed above, or should I take the safer and easier, albeit possibly less fulfilling route and room with her possibly one more person?  How do I know what’s best for me?